Wednesday, January 26, 2011

High Definition Vision and I'm Not 22 Anymore

LASIK went so well that I completely forgot to do anything other than look at the world through my new HD vision.  I'm amazed.  After 25 years of shoving contacts in my eyes, knocking over my lamp in the middle of the night as I blindly claw for my glasses, or winking oddly at someone because my contact was acting up again, I now have 20/20 vision. 

I know this because at my day-after check-up I was already at 20/20.  Maybe my vision will continue to improve to the point where I can see through things.  My x-ray vision talents will be a real hit at airport security.

But I do feel as though something is missing.  Like a good friend.  My nighttime ritual has been cut in half.  I brush my teeth, wash my face, and then my fingers automatically go to my eyes to take out my contacts...and it hits me all over again.  The vision I have is mine.  I am no longer contact enabled.  My very own eyeballs are seeing this clear and crisp reflection of me in the mirror.

What saddens me is that over the years I have come to love the really, really blurry reflection of me.  Every evening after I took out my contacts and before I put on my glasses, I could imagine that the woman looking back at me in the mirror was a fresh-faced, just out of college and ready for that next step in life 22-year-old.  That girl didn't have gray hairs stubbornly pushing out through dark brown hair, or dimples that are strangely taking on a life of their own, or the deepening of laugh lines around her eyes. 

But with my superwoman eyesight I don't get to look at the blurry girl version of me anymore.  Now I have to face the cold, hard facts that my HD vision is telling me.

I am not 22 anymore.

You would think that after 11 years of marriage, 3 children, and countless years since my last college final, I would have realized this before now.  But, no.  It's kinda like how people don't realize they've gained weight until they see a picture of themselves bending over.  Besides the kids, marriage, and the fact that Simon Le Bon is not a current heartthrob, I don't feel much different then I did when I was younger.

Until now.  Stupid LASIK vision.  And then, just to prove the point my eyes were telling me, this happens.

Last Saturday, Max and I go out to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday.  Clue Number 1.

After dinner, we go to a bar.  There is a pool table in the back and I think it will be really fun to play a few games.  After all, in college I could occasionally hold my own in a pool game.  There are two guys playing so I saunter up and confidently place my two quarters on the table then walk away.  A few moments later, I walk back in to see if it's my turn.  But on the table, in front of my quarters is a dollar bill.

"What's with the dollar?" I ask.

"That's for Ray.  But don't worry, you're up next."  One of the guys answers.

"But what does the dollar mean?" I ask again thinking that he's going double or nothing, or trying to send me a message of some sort.  Like, he knows that after I win the game against his buddy, it's going to take him at least two games to beat me.  I must look like a serious pool shark, I think.

The two guys just look at me for a moment.  Then one of them says gently, "It's a dollar a game."

Right.  Of course it's not 50 cents anymore.  Inflation.  Clue Number 2.

We get home late that night.  And as I wasn't the driver, I had a really good time.  When I wake up the next morning.

"Ouch."  Clue Number 3.

I am not 22 anymore. 




  1. ha ha ha. I love it!! I would of done the same thing. It's been the longest since I have stepped into a bar let alone played a game at a pool table. ha ha ha. Thanks for the chuckle

  2. So jealous! It's ok that you're not 22 because your superwoman vision makes up for it! as a gal who's been wearing contacts for 20+ years and who has no hope of seeing the clock in the middle of the night without the nightstand grope (that nightstand gets more action than my husband), I think it's fabulous! Even if you can see your wrinkles and grey hairs. :D

  3. You know what this makes me think of.....????? Ovaries!!!!!!

  4. You are TOO funny! It is really amazing how your eyes become 20/20 so quickly after Lasik. I was so giddy after I got mine done...but I was also a lot younger than you are. heehee! ;-) Melissa, you look FABULOUS! You have nothing to worry about!! :) Love your blog!!!

  5. LOL!!!! I just read Heather's comment.... HAHAHAHAHA!! Ovaries!! haha!! :D

  6. I love the laughter your blog brings to my day! So happy for you and your x-ray vision. I love that were persistent and asked the meaning of the dollar bill until you got your answer. So classic and so something I would do too!

  7. Sigh, Simon Le Bon. Double sigh, John Taylor. Girl you look great, just stay away from those King Soopers checkout ladies and you will never have doubts. You are too hilarious, love you!