Monday, December 20, 2010

The Five Posts of Christmas, Number 1


Mrs. Claus Goes Shopping on Crutches

My Grass is Purple presents The 5 Posts of Christmas.  For this week, I'm challenging myself to write a post everyday.  Why, you ask?  Because last week after 25 days, my leg cast was taken off.  I still shudder when I think of it and my husband has yet to look me in the eye.  So I will write and hopefully, leave that memory in the distant past.

 The 5 Posts of Christmas might make you laugh, cry, learn a new recipe for fruitcake or discover an amazing craft to do as a family (yeah, right...have you ever read my blog?) Or just make you thankful that you don't live in my head.   But, please share your holiday moments with me or a link to your own holiday post.  I'd love to hear them.  Seriously.

Here goes....
 
Saturday night, Mr. Claus and I visited the elves to pick out our gifts for the kiddos.  Mr. Claus and I LOVE our tradition of frantically running to the store during the week of Christmas to fill our sleigh.  It has nothing to do with Black Friday craziness, Sunday coupons, Cyber Monday, or any savings whatsoever. Not because we wouldn't like to save money, but because we are terribly disorganized and lack the "I'll do anything to save a few bucks" gene. 

The evening went something like this:

clank, rattle, hop, clank, rattle, hop (crutches are LOUD on linoleum) 
1st aisle of the store (only 449 aisles to go)
"Mr. Claus! Let us look closely at each and every one of the toys on this one aisle.  Then, we will handpick the perfect toy or game for each one of our lovely children. When we have scoured this aisle we shall move to the next aisle and do the same."

clank, rattle, hop, clank, rattle, hop 
2nd aisle of store
"Mr. Claus! How is it possible that we have only one small (yet surely, perfect) gift in that large basket?  At this rate, Christmas will be over before we finish up our shopping.  Ta-ha!" (Nervous giggle.)

clank, rattle, hop, ouch!, clank, rattle, hop, ouch!
3rd aisle of store
"Mr. Claus!! Why do the elves allow so many screaming, whining, and gravity fighting children into their workshop on a Saturday night? Their Christmas cheer has caused a horrific pounding in my head."

...quite a bit later...clank, rattle, hop, sigh, clank, rattle, hop, sigh
around the 45th aisle of store
"Mr. Claus!?! (said quite shrilly) Come to think of it...this past year has been filled with many, many timeouts for hitting, talking back and just general pissiness.  Perhaps one toy and a pair of socks would be sufficient to express our love?"

clank, rattle, hop, sniffle, clank, rattle, hop, sniffle 
Upon reaching the checkout lane and learning the total:
"Mr. Claus!?!?! For this amount, we could have flown to Vegas, played Blackjack while drinking for free, slept in, stayed out late, gambled some more, slept in again and perhaps even brought some of our winnings home to fix the sleigh. Then, we could have generously given our loving children a beautiful refrigerator magnate saying something to the effect of "My parents went to Vegas" or "Santa won big in Vegas" or "Don't ask the reindeer what happened in Vegas!"


By the time I retired for the evening with Mr. Claus, we were another few tens of dollars lighter from paying the babysitter and my hands, head and remaining good leg, knee, and hip felt every bit as achy and old as the real Mrs. Claus.  But now, I have to wait an ENTIRE WEEK for Christmas morning.  As a rule, when I buy gifts, I wait until the last possible moment to give it.  Because if I feel like I've really gotten the right gift, I just can't wait for the person to open it.  I have been known to encourage the recipient of my gifts to open them early.  So, now I have to stand strong against the kids insistent begging and pleading to open a gift for five whole days.  Ugh!  Why didn't we wait and do our shopping on the 23rd like normal? 

I'm terrible at waiting.






The Five Posts of Christmas, Number 2:
Will Santa leave presents if our tree gets tossed?
....find out tomorrow

















4 comments:

  1. Hahah! I braves the stores yesterday and it was terrible out there. But I did score a sweet gift for my husband even though we promises to just get stocking stuffers since we had to buy a toilet last weekend...but I couldn't resist. I want to give it to him now!!!

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  2. Resist Melissa. Don't cave. And you have left me quite a cliff hanger... Oh no, will the tree stay? Will it get tossed? I just can't hardly wait to find out! :)

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  3. I to am terrible at the whole keep it a secret, waiting thing, so overrated! Poor thing, but it will be one Christmas shopping experience you will never forget! Love the five days of Christmas! Can't wait for day three, yeah, I read them out of order, sorry!!

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  4. I LOVE surprises....! So I can definitely wait! ;) I am positive that Vegas IS much more fun than shopping.... ANY TIME!!! :)

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