Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dead Poets Society Lied...and Laundry

You may remember that I recently broke my foot.  As my blog is barely 6 posts old, if you don't recall the broken foot ordeal, then you have a terrible memory.

No worries.  I cannot remember a person's name one second after meeting them.  It's true.  I will meet someone and at the moment we exchange names, I say to myself, Remember her name!   Unfortunately, I'm usually saying this at the same moment she is saying, "Hi, my name is Alice."


Anyway, about my foot, what's your name.  Since I'm on crutches and not supposed to 'bear weight' on injured foot, I cannot do most of what I'm supposed to be doing as the Household Manager and Offspring Negotiator/Program Coordinator (HMONPC).

I like titles.  It helps every year when I re-negotiate my health benefits.
Here's my current plan:
  • at least 6-7 low-key happy hour get-togethers with close friend
  • 1 always regrettable night out with the girls where I remind myself that I'm too old, too married, and too mom-like since I inevitably end this evening counseling a young girl about her choice of non-existent skirt/shirt/underwear and/or am called "ma'am"
  • monthly book club attendance which is always canceled because no one ever reads the book
  • at least 2 to 3 bottles of wine in rack at all times
  • and, exercise time (exercise time may be substituted with "relaxing sleep-in time" in case wine consumption has interfered with sleep or exercise motivation)
It's a pretty good plan.  We have private insurance.

But the point here is my broken foot.  Since every activity I do as the HMONPC requires mobilization, my job duties have been severely affected.  One household job this has devastatingly affected is Housekeeping.  In short, the house appears to have been overtaken by the children.

It probably comes as no surprise that I don't like cleaning my house. I really, really don't.  When I decided to stay home with the children, I had no idea what this would really mean.  I envisioned my time at home as more Dead Poets Society.  With tears in my eyes, I pictured the day when my children would stand up on their push-toys or high chairs in response to some inspiring mommy thing I just did and shout lovingly, "O Mommy, My Mommy."


I even downloaded some emotionally supportive music to play when this moment arrived. Maybe I need to show them the movie first.



The truth is that being a stay at home mom is nothing like being an inspiring English teacher at a private boy's school.  I'm pretty sure there was not one scene where Robin Williams is vacuuming the classroom, cleaning the dorm kitchen, or for Pete's sake, doing the LAUNDRY.

And that is what I intended for this post to be about today...Laundry.  It was going to be a well-defended thesis on why Laundry is the downfall of the modern mother.  I had examples, pictures, interviews, and in-color charts.


Unfortunately, as my posts tend to be a bit LONG WINDED at times, I will have to shorten my well-thought out, informative, and mind changing case against Laundry into one concise, powerful, but equally true statement.

In summary, Laundry flippin' SUCKS.

..

13 comments:

  1. Yes, it flippin does! Totally belly laughing at the picture of, "O Mommy, My Mommy" with music in the background. And you, at the moment it's about to happen saying to your toddler, "hang on, hold that thought." You run over to the ipod, start playing the perfect serenading music to go along with this moment. You come back to your toddler frozen in time and say, "okay, continue, I'm ready." I love reading your blog and getting my morning laugh!

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  2. You know, I used to LOVE doing laundry. Kid 2 came along, though, and now I'd rather poke my eye out.

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  3. Laundry is definitely my enemy TOO! It's my daily adversary!!! BTW, when you decide to sell your private insurance, let me know, because I AM IN!!!! ;)

    LOVE your blog!! :)

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  4. Just walked in the door after the last push in my Christmas shopping (success by the way)...and threw in a load of laundry with about five or six more loads to follow. Someday soon my children will learn that it's not necessary to wear multiple outfits a day, maybe. OK, that's really not likely and I need to push that joyous thought out of my head and concentrate on the previous successes of the day. Which includes them being properly behaved through a four hour shopping ordeal... hell, they can wear five more outfits today and I will merely remark on how lovely they look!

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  5. Holy laundry, Batman! You'd think the Duggars lived here instead of a family of three. It never ends.

    New follower from Blog Frog
    http://sweettmakesthree.com

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  6. I don't mind the sorting, washing, drying, and folding-I just hate putting it all away!

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  7. Yes!! Let us all UNITE against Laundry!

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  8. Love your explanation of role. The HMONPC. But I think you have better benefits then me! I need to check with my "supervisor"! I'm definitely thinking a 1 on 1 meeting is in order. I better ship the kids away because I'm already thinking this meeting is going to take a while, and it may need to be discussed in every room of the house! ; )

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  9. I think I have the same insurance you do minus the book club benefit.

    Sorry to hear about your foot!

    Stopping from Mom Loop!

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  10. Bummer about your foot :-( I agree 100% Laundry sucks lol I don't remember your name but I did remember "my grass is purple" because it makes me giggle.
    ~Amanda @ www.passthevalium.net

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  11. "Unfortunately, as my posts tend to be a bit LONG WINDED at times"

    That's okay, I love long winded!

    Sorry about your foot and I agree - I don't like doing laundry!

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  12. I'm coming from Bloggy Mom's funny mom group...whew that was a mouthful!
    I am a working mom part time and I would love to stay at home with my little monster...er I mean child. Stay at home mom's have the toughest job. You work weekends and overtime and holidays and you don't get paid for it. That? Is a true employee.
    You have my mad respect.

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  13. My husband was under the impression that when I started being a SAHM that the house would be neat as pin. good thing he's used to disappointment (and loves me!)

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